Death

The passing of a relative this very afternoon made me realise something: I cannot accept or face up to death when it comes to people who matters very much to me.

As I watched her lying on the hospital bed, surrounded by family, family who are teary-eyed and clasping her hands and stroking her face and hair, family who neglected lunch just to spend every possible moment by her side, to have every single second possible to memorise her looks, to touch her for the very last time.

She was the same age as my grandmother. As I saw my grandmother broke down and cry as she saw her lying on the bed with tubes going into her body, I thought, "What if this was my own grandmother lying in that bed?". And my mind could not accept that notion. Rejected. Pushed away. Out of the question.

Although I know that we will all die someday, but the thought that one day, not everyone is going to be around, seems absolutely absurd to me. And my mind refuses to wrap around it nor comprehend it at this moment. My entire being absolutely balks at the notion of losing a loved one. And quite honestly, I never want that moment to arrive. Ever.